Hey y’all! Let’s pick up where we left off yesterday. I have more energy now after resting. Who knew resting was actually important?
So, I wanted to feel better. The cost to feel better was astronomical in my mind. It would put too much hardship on us to do this. And now I have to tell Carr. I went into what he calls “sales mode.” This is where I present multiple justifications, multiple times to convince him it is a good idea. He calls it “speaking with redundancy.” It’s kind of like the lady in the Bible that goes to the judge over and over and over asking for justice. I saw it this way. It was like I was preparing myself to beat Carr down until he agreed to spend this amazing amount of money on my health. Then the “guilt” would start. Back to “selling” Carr. Back to guilt. Back to selling. The psychological battle was making the health side worse. The battle in my head was affecting my health as bad as the issues my body had with food.
God has this man. Carr listens to Him. Even with my multiple multiples of justification, Carr was on board from the beginning. Guilt mode again. I felt guilty for costing this much money. Anyone who has lived in or with the guilt mode knows what I am talking about. Its where you have to convince yourself this is a good thing even though you were prepared to fight for it when you started. Carr wasn’t fighting me. I did not know how to process this. I did not know how to accept it either. It was not going according to the picture I had in my head, and I was having trouble letting go of the picture.
I started this journey in May. Lord, have mercy, the protocols. These adjustments were harder than quitting sugar. When I took the tests, which were more than just blood work, I found I was allergic or sensitive to most of what I loved to eat. That sucks! I also had some bacteria and parasites that were not supposed to be there. Now I had to regulate what I was eating. I had to take supplements. Taking the supplements required a chart. There were seven (7) different times during the day that different supplements had to be taken. It was way more complicated than two in the morning and two at night or take with a meal. I was overwhelmed just looking at the number of bottles of supplements I was going to be taking. Some were one a day and some were as many as 9 a day. It seemed each bottle had a different number of pills in it. Then, based on the number to be taken per day, I had to figure out the reorder plan. I was again overwhelmed. My brain does not handle this very good. What did I do?
Que my husband. He likes numbers. He can deal with them. He sat me down and told me to relax. Ha! Relax? Does he remember who he’s talking to? It’s funny now, but it was not when we started this part of the process. The really funny part is I was trying to tell him how to do what he was doing when I had no clue myself. That’s how the wounding works in me. I do not want to be seen as weak or stupid. He was patient. Firm, but patient.
I need to add here that my nutritionist set up the schedule for the supplements. The when to take and the quantity to take. It was easy to read. For others. I had to work on it a little. The understanding of the schedule did not come easy for me because I was overwhelmed. I forgot to mention that this program came with one-on-one personal consulting. I had access to her 24/7. Well sort of. She has this cool chat site that comes with the program that I can ask questions or voice concerns any time they hit me. She normally responds within the hour. This was comforting to me. I did not feel alone on my journey.
Back to the reorder issue. Because the pills did not come in quantities that fit my protocol, the ordering schedule was an issue. For instance, some bottles contained three (3) months’ worth of pills and some bottles only held enough for a portion of a month. I like things balanced, even. Supplements did not fit in that mode. Scattered. Uneven. Literally all over the place. So Carr put together an Excel program that showed how many pills were in a bottle, how many I took over a month, and how long a bottle would last over a month. Then he figured out when I needed to reorder each supplement and made simple schedule of when to reorder.
I should say here that the program I was on was a six (6) month program. At the end of six months, we would evaluate where I was and what, if anything still needed to be adjusted. November was the end of my initial program. The change had been and was amazing to me. I felt so much better. I was not 100% yet. My nutritionist and I discussed the options and the cost to continue for another six (6) months. I went over the options with Carr. This time I did not spend any time justifying what I wanted, I just shared with him that I wanted to continue. He was good with that. The cost was less, but still expensive to me. He pointed out that he had stuff to sell if money became a problem.
The relief. It’s hard to put into words how living different changed my snappy bitch side. Within the first month of me being on this program, Carr noticed a difference in me. I was actually calmer. I was not on high alert 24/7 anymore. I felt better than I had in years. And I was only starting the program at this time. The months have passed. The program has been and is working for my body. My health is better than it was by leaps and bounds. I have actually been able to cut in half my blood pressure medicine. My doctor was very surprised when I went for my checkup. Yes, the same doctor I had been trying to get to help me before.
I have lost 36 pounds over the course of this year. I can wear clothes that I did not think I would wear again. I have way less anxiety than I used to have. I am calmer. The old things that used to trigger me are getting less and less. I do not take everything personally anymore. Well, most of the time. I can see that not everyone is an enemy or looking to take advantage of me. I am beginning to feel well and think well and so I am living well.
I may continue this blog series this week. This part of my journey has been on my heart to share for several weeks now. It is a lot intense. To share the “secrets” I have been living with is somewhat unnerving to my system. Yet this is what God has called me to do through Snappy Bitch. On that note, Carr and I have contemplated changing the name somewhat to be less offensive. Neither of us has any peace in that. It is what it is. So, we continue the journey, trusting the One who called us to do this, to lead us where we are to go and touch the people He has predestined us to touch. After all, it’s all about Him.
Okay, bye for now.
Delisa (and Carr)