Hey y’all! Well hell. Thanksgiving weekend was rough. Really rough. We went to Kerrville for Thanksgiving. Quiet. Peaceful. Relaxing. Nope. Not ours. We drove through the rain and in the traffic. It took longer than normal. We arrived about 5 pm. We left at 11:30 am. Normally a 4-hour trip from our house. Thankfully we were not on a schedule, so the trip wasn’t that bad.
When we arrived, there was still a little light, so Carr decided to get the coach set up before dark. He started at 5:15 or so. We got him out at 7:00 pm. Why so long in the coach to set up you might ask? Faulty dead bolt. Somehow the mechanism got broken in the door. Once in the coach the only way out would have been through a window that is about 18”X18” and 6’ plus off the ground. Thankfully, a neighbor came to the rescue, and he was able to get the dead bolt unbolted and Carr out of the coach. Not the start to the vaca we were looking for.
Dinner is normally between 5:30 and 6:15 for us. My nutrition protocol, a new way of eating for me, is greatly benefited by consistent mealtimes. That was a bust. It was 7:30 before we got food. I get grumpy when I’m hungry. Not the right attitude to have with someone who was stuck in a coach for over an hour and a half. Cue the fight. It wasn’t intense, but it did add to my stress.
We finally settled down and relaxed. For a second. The router for the internet was non-functional. No internet. There were things both of us wanted to do that needed internet. Cue round 2. It was neither of our faults, but on top of the already eventful evening, it did not go well. T.V. maybe? We figured Christmas movies were on so they would make us feel better. T.V. had wigged out too. Carr was too tired to figure it out, so we had minimal stations and sat down. Still not the vaca I had in my head.
We woke to rain. Heavy rain, followed by light rain, followed by heavy rain, followed by light rain. You get the picture. We were stuck inside on Thanksgiving Day with no internet and a T.V. that had few options. So, we figured we’d take a trip to H.E.B. which was open till noon. This helped. We got out of our prison and went shopping. We didn’t need a lot but a few items we neglected to pack. More rain on the way back.
We were able to take a walk about 3:00 pm. In the out of doors. The rain stopped and we took advantage. Freedom! It was short lived. Rain came back. We both had some frayed nerves and somehow were getting on each other’s, like we only had one nerve left each. Tense. Then some more tense. Cue round 3.
Friday was no better. It rained all during the night and was raining when I woke up. The dogs have to go out when they wake up. They like to pee in the rain as much as I do. Bring on the grumpy. Carr slept in. All the way till 7:00. He came in the casita and snappy reared her head. You know how when you first wake up, you’re not prepared for snappy. Carr wasn’t. Cue round 4. Friday rain never really stopped. Carr took us for a drive. We went to see Camp Stewart where he worked in the 80’s and my nephews went as campers several years ago.
It was not bad. The rain made it hard to relax, but the scenery, even in the rain, is majestic in the Hill Country. So, a little peace in the realm for a bit. We decided to discuss plans for the future of Snappy Bitch. It was on the agenda for the weekend anyway. Cue round 5. My stress level had been a def-con 9 since Wednesday night when Carr got stuck. I had never really dealt with it. My husband has fought hard for my freedom. I love this and I HATE this. This was one of the times I hated it. Even when it was just conversation, I was hearing things through my wounds and lashing out. Snappy Bitch rides again. We did not accomplish much.
Carr never dwells on things long. He looks at them, looks at what triggered him, deals with that and moves on. I dwell. Sometimes way longer than I need to nor even want to. My old wounds demand that he be as miserable as I am. That’s not his style. It pisses me off, more. I stew. He journals. I pour the stew juice over my head to baste me, and he gets out of the pan. It is so aggravating. Anybody that can do that is aggravating and irritating to us with wounds.
Saturday was a new day. Sunshine. Sunshine is good for the soul. It was good for my soul. It put light on the darkness I had lived in for two and a half days. The sunshine fired Carr’s brain. It still amazes me how God wired him. He thinks. He listens to God. He has really good insight. He hears the Spirit. Oh, and he asks a lot of questions. Too many questions. They are aimed at the root of what is causing the problem.
He went back and visited Snappy Bitch from the time we begin to conceive what it would be. He asked questions, of himself, about what was missing, what were we off course on, where was the One who gave us the business directing us in the first place? He got an answer. Actually, answers. They flow sometimes. This was one of those times.
I tell the story of this weekend to share that sometimes it’s the hard times that bring clarity. It’s the hard times that drive us to ask hard questions. Carr never asks, “Why is God doing this to us,” anymore. Instead, he asks, “What is God doing?” That was the question he asked to start. Then he writes pages and pages of answers he receives. He writes about the places where God points out the wounds in his life. He writes about struggles. About failures. About confusion. In all this, he gets answers. I’m getting better, but I still stew.
The question, “What is Snappy Bitch supposed to be about?” The answer, “Order.” Snappy Bitch exists to make known that there is an Order. That order was structured by God. It is not an Order that can be rewritten to suit our fancies or our souls. The Order is a picture of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and the unity they work in. The part of that Order that affects me is what Snappy Bitch was born to do. It exists to share with you, all of you, the Order that God has and how operating in that Order changes everything. This is where the sayings on our merchandise comes from; putting the things that cause disorder in print so we can find order.
There was another answer to that question. Not one that I had dwelled on much, but after receiving it, realized that it is critical to the vision and mission of Snappy Bitch. We are to be a reflection of the Father. I will address this part tomorrow. This is a lot for me, so I am figuring it is a lot for you. Ponder on what you have read and ask Him about the truth you have heard.
Sunday was a calm day. We packed. We cleaned. We prepared to head home. No rush. Very unhurried. Not the norm for me. Norm for me is stressing about everything. No, really, everything. It’s the old, “I’m responsible for everything and everybody’s feelings.” Not a great way to live. Today, I chose to live free.
Okay, bye for now.
Delisa
1 comment
Thank you!!