The story of a life takes a long time to tell. Since I'm not sure my life is novel worthy (it's not, but we like to dream we're that special) I will be sharing events and explanations in this blog that tells my story and the redemption and freedom I have received. The opening blog was a small part of why this company exists in the first place. There is more to tell there, but that is for later.
This post will explain the first of the many sayings we will be putting on the merchandise; where the saying came from, when it was used (these were used often by the snappy bitch I worked so hard to hide) and what triggered the saying. I have noticed that telling this story has been painful, but extremely freeing. John 1:5 says, The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
That verse describes what triggered the saying, "Stop Talking!" In my wounded soul I had built a castle of lies that I used to protect myself. The cornerstone lie was that I was on my own and had to protect myself. I could not trust anyone, not even my husband that I know God had sent to be my flesh and blood Jesus here on the earth. This is how an orphan lives. They believe they are an island, and they must take all the responsibility for provision and protection. I will write more on this later as the Father directs.
"Stop Talking" was the catalyst phrase that started the move to create Snappy Bitch on the trip to Colorado. While I do not remember the specific topic of the conversation, I do remember being overwhelmed by what was being said. The overwhelming feeling came from my castle wall being attacked. When my castle is attacked, I go into defense mode and the snappy bitch comes out in force. Carr was speaking a truth I did not want to hear. It would require me to "give up" my self-created protection wall. The more the light shined in the darkness, the more intense the need to keep the lie (my self-proclaimed truth that my castle wall was built out of) in the darkness so I could avoid being vulnerable and found out. It was in that moment and during the ensuing conversation about starting a company which would sell merchandise with snappy sayings that God first showed me the depth of my lack of trust in Him. While he did it gently, he did it with such force that I could not ignore he was speaking.
Although I am typing this story from my notes, the Father is bringing things to mind as I type. I need to reveal that when I spoke that day, I spoke venomously and with force. What was being said was truth. It was not the truth I wanted so my defense was to tell Carr to "Stop Talking!" You need to know that though I love my husband deeply, I can be very unloving when my orphan comes out. God has gifted him to know when to drop a conversation that triggers me and when to stay the course and finish. This time, he dropped it. He did not drop the business idea, and this brings me to the other meaning that "stop talking" has for me.
As an orphan, I had to anticipate what people were going to say, as well as what they meant. I had to do this to protect myself from getting hurt. This means that I rarely listened to "what" they said. My SOP (standard operating procedure) was to hear a few words, assume the meaning and put up a defense before they even finished. So quite often, Carr would get frustrated and tell me I was not listening. He was right. I would never admit that because that would mean I had to submit myself to his authority. One thing the orphan never wants to do is submit to authority. I will cover the authority issue in a later blog but let me tell you here that if I was unwilling to submit to my husband’s God given authority, I could not submit to His. So, for the three years I wrestled with starting this company, God had to keep telling me to “stop talking.” As I begin to shut up and listen, it became very clear He was calling me to start Snappy Bitch so the conversation could begin.