Hey y’all! I’m tired. My body is tired. My brain is tired. My heart is tired. And I don’t feel all that well physically. I am learning that the spiritual journey has a physical side. Healing is hard. Hard on the mind and the body. Did I say I’m tired?
The last three blogs have taken a toll on me. I have wanted to quit. Many times. I have looked for an escape. My problem is my escapes are detrimental to my health. Yet, I seem to take them anyway sometimes. I battle with the thought that I’m not good enough. I should have figured this out already. And many other lies that drag me down rather than up.
I’m going to make this one short. We have talked about messiness, order, and reflection. All based on God being the center of life. I wanted to talk about being His image. Jesus living through me. Too tired. Did I already tell you that???
Let me address trust. It is a word I despise. I may actually hate it. I have had little to trust in in my life. Even when I have those things I trust, I still distrust them. It’s a pain. It creates chaos. And we know what chaos brings. More chaos. All the chaos makes it easier to have an orphan spirit. I will get into what an orphan spirit is later. Too deep for as tired as I am.
Let me just share that the orphan spirit does not trust anybody or anything but itself. It tells you that you can’t believe anything except that which is true for you. Sound familiar? This is where the castles we talked about earlier are built by the orphan to protect itself. Protect ourselves. We are the orphans, and we build the castles. Why? We do not trust. Anybody or anything. Especially God. He has proven Himself so untrustworthy so often by not protecting me from the pain. My unrealistic expectation for the Creator of the universe. That somehow, He would never allow me to be hurt this bad. Then, when the religious people are put in the mix, with all their crazy doctrines, it’s not hard to figure out why we don’t really know God well enough to trust Him. We only know about Him and have foolish expectations of Him. This is my issue of trust. I want to trust Him. I just have so many blockages. The agreements and vows that allow the enemy to accuse me, seem so true. I know they are lies.
There is a scene in the movie Pretty Women where Richard Gere asks Julie Roberts why she doesn’t see herself as he does and her answer is real, “The bad stuff is easier to believe.” We must overcome this lie to begin to trust God. Don’t believe the lies. Believe the truth. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Start living!
Okay, bye for now!
Delisa (and Carr)